It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
