I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
