Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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