How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
