Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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