Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
