I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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