At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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