Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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