Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Boobs speak an international language.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
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