my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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