Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
