The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
