she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
