I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
