I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
