if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
