Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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