If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
