their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
