he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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