He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
