I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
