So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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