Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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