You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
