I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
