I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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