12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
