I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
