so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
