i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
