I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
