Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
