my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
