I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
