I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
