I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im drinking this country out of the recession.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
