ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
