first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
My penis needs a shock collar
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
