Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
