I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
