You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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