And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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