Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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