Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
