I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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