I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
