She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
