I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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