I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
