He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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